I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
