I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
