marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
