im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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