ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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