I should be sponsored by Trojan
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
