I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
