So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
