I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
