I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
