why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
