I'm jealous of your bromance
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
