so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
