Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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