They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
