Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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