but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
