Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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