So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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