i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
