Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
