Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
