Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
