Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
