My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
We left an ass print on the piano.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize