Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
