Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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