I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
