Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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