just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
