Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
