i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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