my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
