Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Randomize
