Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
