My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
