My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
