At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
