Can i not drive my cunt home
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
pop tarts are not kleenex
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
