Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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