Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
