If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
We need to feng shui this bitch.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
