The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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