I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
