i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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