There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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