So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
