Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I think my moral compass just broke
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