I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
