he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
