I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
