She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
