please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
So much rum. So many feels.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize