If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
