I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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