he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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