Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
