he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I woke up under a house in Key West
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
