Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
