My first STD was from a foam party
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
