Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Just cropdusted the office
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
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