You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
