There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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