its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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