we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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