Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize