He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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