This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
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