Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
