My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
