I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
