My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
