OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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