hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
