Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
