You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
