He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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