oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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