I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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