dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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