It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
