So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
