I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
