Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Randomize
