He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
