Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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