Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
