Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
