My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
