Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
