sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
