Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
