im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
