dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
