I didn't shave. On purpose
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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