Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
