i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
