i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
