Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Randomize
