u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
