take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
